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While cleaning out emails discovered i had this still running. Dont know who all reads these things still but dont care really. I'll use this to let lose my thoughts and the dogs of war (not literally, just opinions and thoughts i get from time to time.)!



So a considerable amount of time has past since i was last here. Everything has changed since i was last here. The person i was once was is gone, my way of thinking, Compassion toward others, even my empathy is gone toward suffering of myself and others. All that matters is my daughter and continuing existence. Emotional aspects are non-existent and honestly not missed. I do get emotions about certain memories from time to time, but due to past conditions large portions of memories are no longer present in thought or memory. A friend told me recently that if a memory is meant to be remembered it would never be forgotten and would always be apart of who you are. I guess i am a slate in that case because only certain periods in my life remain. Ive kept a journal but upon reading it I almost feel as if im reading someone elses life and not my own. Is it possible to change so much that you become someone else but remain who you are? Dont really know i guess. So if you are reading this and remember me a certain way and my future posts start sounding very different as to the way i once was, this is your notice that im no longer the same as i was once. Do not expect me to welcome you openly especially if can't honestly say i remember you in a happier or friendly manner currently! But to those whom i do speak too still, please feel free to comment when ever you wish or like too on any topic.

Time....

A friend once asked me if i thought time was irrelevant and we were nothing more then shadows of beings that once existed long ago. I couldn't give him an answer to that question. He later died in a car accident. i wondered if he had ever found his answer to his question. then recently i was made aware of certain health conditions of my own that made me wonder about his question. was he asking about reality, or did he see something that altered his way of looking at the world as we know and see it. As i sit here smoking my cigarette and staring at my coffee, a funny revelation has come over me and i feel as if i had been looking at the answer all along. Were not living in this world, the world is living in us. i have my chess board set up and I'm waiting for the man i usually play chess with. Lets see if i can cheat death yet again.

Venez monsieur le diable, laissez-nous jouer notre jeu une dernière fois!

the Past and the future

Poeple who have known me have known a strong person one that always stood to try to do the right thing and help those who needed it most. and for years i was that person and gave as much as i could to help and be a good minded person. but as with time and stress even a dam may break and fall apart. I have let good friends down and have done things in hopes of saving poeple that in advertaly hurt others unintentionally. for that i am deeply sorry. I can no longer explain my actions to anyone that it would matter to anymore i have given all that i can give this world and have no more left to give. I have lost too much in my life and cannot bear anymore to be lost. so for those that care or ever wonder this is goodbye. those that i have debts with you will be taken care of soon, i promise. as the last of my family passes , i too will pass on to someplace else and be the person i should have been years ago without anyone to stop or detour me. my time is short and i have much to do before the time comes. So goodbye and take care, friends and foes alike i wish you well.

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy Birthday where ever you maybe. I Love you dad!!


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Francisco Luis Chavez, 73yrs, of Phoenix, AZ, passed away on July
19, 2006. Preceeded in death by parents Refugio & Maria Socorro Chavez, brothers Carlos & Fernando Chavez, daughter Luisa Love. Survived by wife Joyce, daughters Rosemary Luna, Pat Luna & Lucy Page, sons Eddie, Raymond & Richard Chavez, 34 grandchildren, 43 great grandchildren, sisters Nellie Navarro, Maria L. Mora, Anna Cabrera of Gilroy, CA, Socorro Torres & Agenda Martinez, brothers Efren Chavez of San Francisco, CA, Rene Chavez of Hollister, CA, Arturo Chavez and numerous nieces and nephews. Funeral Mass will be held on Saturday July 29, 10am with visitation held 2 hrs prior, St. Catherine of Sienna Catholic Church, 6401 S. Central Ave, Phoenix, AZ.
Published in The Arizona Republic on 7/29/2006.

This Quiz has me pegged...








What color do your wings behold? (darker nature)




Mournful Gray Wings

There is only one emotion that seems to endure you and that would be sadness. Winters, darkness, solitary does it sound appealing? Engrossing yourself in deep thought is always a hobby, but always alone. You believe that the only way to deal with the pain is to absorb every ounce of it, until it becomes simply another blank emotion. Beneath it all, there is a determination to keep moving forward but your pessimistic ideals is forming an obstruction.

Your wings are slightly tattered, because sometimes feeling pain is the only way knowing youre still alive.
Take this quiz!








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make a few clicks and let me know a bit of what I don't already know yet.<http://kevan.org/johari?view=Ramone>
Hades
Indeed, you are 83% erudite, 62% sensual, 75% martial, and 79% saturnine.
Simply put, Hades was a God of the Underworld, comparable to Midir of the Celts. After dying, a person entered the Underworld by first travelling through the groves of Persephone, onto the gates of Hades which were guarded by the three-headed dog Cerberus, a lot like the Norse "watchdog of hell", Garm.

Being the ruler of the Underworld, Hades was naturally the God of Death, but he was also the God of prosperity and wealth. He could be terrifying or generous depending on where one stood in his favour. The way one kept on his good side was by offering him black sheep.

Hades didn't get around much, preferring to stay home in the Underworld, a vast underground kingdom of caves and tunnels, with his wife Persephone to whom he was faithful.

The Fifteen Gods

These are the 15 categories of this test. If you score above average in …

…all or none of the four variables: Dagda. … Erudite: Thoth. … Sensual: Frey. … Martial: Mars. … Saturnine: Mictlantecuhtli. … Erudite & Sensual: Amun. … Erudite & Martial: Odin. … Erudite & Saturnine: Anubis. … Sensual & Martial: Zeus. … Sensual & Saturnine: Cernunnos. … Martial & Saturnine: Loki. … Erudite, Sensual & Martial: Lug. … Erudite, Sensual & Saturnine: Coyote. … Erudite, Martial & Saturnine: Hades. … Sensual, Martial & Saturnine: Pan.





My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


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You scored higher than 63% on erudite

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You scored higher than 12% on sensual

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You scored higher than 88% on martial

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You scored higher than 86% on saturnine
Link: The Mythological God Test written by Nitsuki on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Evil?

I am not Evil..... that much!



How evil are you?
I find this interesting. I was just talking about this very book today, Right after I watched "The Motorcycle Diaries".



1984
George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four. You are the
classic warning against the threat of
totalitarianism. To you, politics and
philosophy are inseparable, auchtorities suck
and the reality might not exist outside our
imaginations.


Which literature classic are you?
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angel_raziel
Raziel's Hellish Playground
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